What skills do you want your child to learn?

Details: Published on Thursday, 24 January 2013 11:59

Written by Shara Lawrence-Weiss

Recently I posted an article titled "Harvard Grads Becoming Babysitters. This may not be a bad thing." The skills learned, through working with children, can be invaluable. Shortly after that I was sent an article to post on my blog that explained why "In Today's Workforce...A High IQ Isn't Enough." The author pointed out that many companies are seeking employees with a deeper skill set. IQ is simply no longer enough.

Here's a snippet from the article mentioned above:

We also need to embrace learning agility. We need to start teaching our kids and our employees how to become intellectually curious. We need to adopt a new standard for how we view intelligence. And we need to reward individuals who are curious about not only the ‘what’ but the ‘how’ and the ‘why.’

Holding hands It's interesting to note, in my opinion, that we don't always realize what our parents did for us during adolescence, until we get older and have our own kids. For example, I read a post not long ago, written by Michele Borba. Michele offered some tips for parents. After reading her advice I left the following comment:

I’ve enjoyed Michele since meeting (virtually) years ago through Sue Scheff – on Twitter. I love this post, thanks. My husband and I talk daily about teaching our 4 kids life skills, empathy, kindness, work ethic, critical thinking and so on. Our parents taught those things to us but many parents of my generation seem highly focused on making their kids “happy.” Yet…so many of the kiddos don’t seem happy at all. Nor do the parents, for that matter. Happiness is always being chased but rarely seems to be getting caught.

I wrote a post recently about how my own parents taught us about living in a lifestyle of moderation…I’m so grateful for that now! From tv and food to sweets and shopping – they insisted that we practice moderation. We grumbled then but all four of their daughters are thankful now for those lessons. My parents (between them) taught us to cook, bake, shop on a budget, volunteer, clean, work, babysit, play music, ride horses, accept responsibility for our choices and more. Back then my folks annoyed me to no end. Now I realize – they knew exactly what they were doing. Whooda thunk it? Preparing us for adulthood… so we’d no longer need them. Thanks, mom and dad.

Skills...both emotional skills and practical skills. We all want our kids to be capable of taking care of themselves, right? Isn't that our end goal? This got me thinking a bit more about some of my colleagues, who have long discussed the need for more attention to be given to Emotional Intelligence. We've also talked about other skill sets related to practical abilities such as balancing a checkbook or changing a flat tire. I wondered, "What would they have to say about this? What skills do they believe kids need to have, in order to effectively live adult lives?"

Here's what they had to say. I'll share my own working list at the very end, also.

Louise Sattler, Nationally Certified School Psychologist

Manage money - every HS kid should take a personal finance course.
Learn how to change a diaper, a tire, tie a tie.
Learn how to cook - not just slap two piece of bread together with sandwich meat or store bought microwave stuff.
Learn how to write a letter. The real kind. With a pen and paper.
Learn how to count and make change.
Learn map skills.
How to do a breast or prostate exam - yep teens and young adults get cancer.
Learn how to answer the phone, politely, and not make personal calls outside of the privacy of your home.
Learn the difference between funny and insensitive towards others.

Dr. Lynne Kenney

Interpersonal Skills

To know when someone is being an honest, trustworthy, reliable friend and when someone is not, so that they choose good spouses and best friends.
To like their own personal strengths and characteristics without needing others to affirm them. (I'm a good artist, I'm a good writer, I'm a nice person etc.)
To have the ability to plan, execute and deliver projects or work in a competent and timely manner.
To do as they say they will. (My dad taught me if you have to move an appointment always move it up, not back and if you might cancel, never say yes in the first place.)
To have a "True North" that is kind, always.
To know how to include and engage others in conversation.
To know how to politely but firmly stand up for themselves and others as needed.
To trust their social instincts.

EveryDay Task Skills

Change a car tire
Fill up a bicycle tire
Separate, wash and fold laundry well
Make at least 20 different main dishes as entrees from scratch
Make chocolate chip cookies
Clean stainless steel with the grain
Sweep, mop and dry a floor
Make a bed so nice a quest would love to sleep in it
Connect electronics so that they work, Wii, television DVD, home stereo etc
Make at least five breakfast items well from scratch (pancakes, french toast, frittata etc)
Clean, organize and maintain orderly spaces in a home (cupboards, pantry, linen closet)
Clean glass without smudges
Thoroughly clean a bathroom
Write a 500 word essay with a beginning, middle and end with proper grammar and no typos
How to babysit safely
Use a digital camera (off auto)
How to wash, condition and create five hairdos
How to make a simply but pretty website
How to swim
How to do CPR and Heimlich
How to care and feed an animal (pet)
Hang clothing in a closet according to color, size and item
How to draw simple illustrations
How to hang a picture with a level
How to drill a hole in a wall and hang something big, like a cupboard
How to reupholster a simple bench
How to confidently speak for five minutes in front of an audience
How to write a good resume
How to edit digital video

That's off the top of my head (with my teen's help)

Ava Parnass MSN C.S.

I think it's really important to learn:

1. Emotional skills - to understand what they're feeling inside
2. Find a sport they love
3. Be creative and find a passion so they always have an outlet even when everything else goes wrong: draw, make movies, learn to sing, write stories, write songs, etc
4. Learn different ways to solve a problem so that they are solution oriented
5. Empathy and kindness for themselves and others
6. Understand that mistakes are things to learn from and sometimes blessings in disguise!
7. Learn how to appreciate things daily
8. Instill the love of playing, having fun and laughing

{Related: Being a good parent}

Wendy Young LMSW, BC

SKILLS of CHARACTER:

1. Persistence: Kids need to learn to continue on with something that is worth it, even in the face of adversity. Persistence serves us well throughout our lifetime.

2. Humility: Kids need to understand that they are special and unique and wonderful, as is every person who shares the journey on this earth. No one person is better than another.

3. Kindness: When a child recognizes that we all belong to each other, and that we are all interconnected as a human race, kindness will flow naturally. We model this more than "teach" it to our kids. How we treat our children (as well as those around us) will heavily influence how our children, in turn, treat others. The ability to get along with others is one of the biggest predictors of our overall success in life, trumping even our level of education.

3. Bravery: Kids need to be able to stand up for what is right, to speak out against social injustice, to face every circumstance that life throws their way with the belief that they will get through it and come out stronger on the other side.

4. A Sense of Humor: Kids need to be able to laugh. The kind of laughter that knows no bounds. Belly laughs are good for all of us. Find ways to laugh every day.

5. Hope: Hope is what carries us through the darkest of days. Life isn't always a bowl full of cherries, but our outlook and attitude determine how quickly we maneuver the most difficult situations in life.

SKILLS for EVERY DAY LIVING:

1. Magical Mistakes: Teach your kids to embrace mistakes. They make us better than we were before, because they can inform our future decision-making process. Don't mistake-proof your child by hovering over them. Guide them appropriately and talk things through, but let them make mistakes (that don't compromise safety or well-being, obviously)! Show them that you still make mistakes. Learning is a life-long adventure, not something we do just in childhood.

2. Thinking: Teach your kids to THINK. Encourage them to consider 2, 3 or 4 ways of doing the same thing. Help expand their minds. Let them explore, get dirty, make messes and more! Problem-solving is a critical skill we need in any line of work. A thinking child is a child who will go far in life.

3. Independence: Kids need to do as many things for themselves as they can. Allowing kids to learn new skills takes time and patience. Don't do things for your kids that they can do themselves. Don't do things for them just because you can do it quicker, better or cleaner. Doing so puts your child at a disadvantage. Kids are proud of their accomplishments when they master new tasks. Don't rob them of this excitement!

Want to know the BEST part of all? Play is the BEST way to accomplish ALL of the above with kids. Play lends itself to all of the important skills we will need in life: trying new things, practicing how things work, making mistakes, not giving up. The list goes on and on. Most of all, I hope you can convey to your child a JOY for living and exploring all that the world has to offer!

Shara Lawrence-Weiss, Mommy Perks | Weiss Business Solutions

Here are some of the things I attempt to teach my own children, in order to add to their skill sets:

To be thoughtful, kind, caring, empathetic, and generous
How to clean up after themselves and help others clean up, also (once upon a time I was a maid so I'm sure this influenced my desire to have my kids learn to tidy up and put things away, when done)
To be willing to put the needs of someone else in front of their own needs (sometimes)
To embrace the concept of hard work (you know...like our grandparents believed) and the feeling of satisfaction that comes from a job well done
To write a letter with paper and pen
To care for a pet
To read a book from cover to cover and be able to discuss the story, afterwards
To try new and interesting things on a regular basis (from baking or biking to sledding or karaoke). I recently interviewed psychologist Lisa Cypers on behalf of the Florida Department of Citrus. Lisa stated that one of the best ways, in her opinion, to live a happy life, is to be willing to try new things.
To be capable of learning how to learn (this is broad, I know)
To sit still and ponder things, without noise in the background. To feel comfortable in a quiet space.
To spend time in nature - looking, listening, watching and even getting dirty/messy
To make a phone call
To return a product to the store
To finish what they start
To keep their word
To make a pro/con list
To understand the connection between positive reinforcement and behavior modification (this would serve them well in the work force and later, as parents)
To understand the difference between a want and a need
To stay in contact with their grandparents and consider the value of maintaining relationships with people who are older and wiser
To laugh and enjoy simple pleasures (like putting in a happy CD, when down, in order to turn the mood around)
To play games (board games or card games, etc)
To embrace music and it's many benefits
To use technology effectively and safely
How to swim (interestingly, some colleges still require a swim certificate before graduation)

As my kids grow, I hope to help them learn:

To change a tire and get to the spare
To put air in a tire
To pump gas
To make change
To balance a checkbook
To perform CPR
To babysit and keep children engaged in play, crafts, games, etc
To grocery shop (and live) on a budget
To cook at least ten meals from scratch so they learn to eat healthy foods and save money
To save money
To drive safely
To understand that their future partner or spouse will value someone who helps out around the house and can share the load of cooking, cleaning, raising the kids, etc
How to apply for a job / participate in a job interview
To fix simple things around the house
To plant a garden, in case they need to grow their own food
To recycle, reduce and re-purpose
Task management: scheduling their time effectively
To self talk, in order to relieve stress
To respond calmly in situations of frustration
To be willing to read and learn about other cultures, religions and beliefs
To be capable of traveling when needed (by car, plane, train, boat, etc)
Learn various skill sets or service related skills so there's always a backup for income

Note from Shara: I learned so much from my colleagues here and appreciate the time they took to share their lists. Thank you for the discussion ladies. Even though some of us made micro-lists I think we would all agree: this is about the over-all picture of mental well-being, self-reliance and the ability to become an active and participating member of this thing we call life.

I'm glad to be on this journey with each of you.

{Related: Structured play vs Free play}

Comments

#2 Shara - owner 2013-01-25 09:01

I know, right? I was overwhelmed reading our lists, too. But when I broke it down in my mind, it wasn't so bad. Many every-day skills and little things.

For the most part - totally do-able! I also think parenting is quite subjective and not every parent will value the same skills for their kids.

So Wendy's list is probably most fitting, as the over-all concept, eh? She gave the over-all picture rather than a micro-list. I liked seeing the micro-lists, though. They made me ponder...

Quote

#1 Ava 2013-01-25 08:44

what a great post, I too learned so much...
wow when you write it like this parenting is quite the job description:)! :roll: