Positive Thinking Day: September 13, 2010 (with a Motherhood theme)
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- Published on Friday, 10 September 2010 04:31
It's not always easy to think positvely, is it? Just this week I ran across some blog posts written by frustrated mothers. One of them was written by a pregnant woman who had given up her fulfilling day job in order to stay home with her first child - with a second on the way. She vented a bit about how she knew she should remain positive and thankful for the blessings in her life but that some days, it's just easier said than done. She was trying, though, but said that she misses drinking, wearing heels, doing her own thing and so on.
Negative thinking might say:
"This mom gets to stay home with her kids?! She's complaining about not getting to work outside the home anymore? Are you kidding me? I have to work outside the home every day and stick my kids in day care for 8 hours. I miss their play moments, dress up excitement and watching them sing and dance. What I'd give to be a mom who gets to stay at home. She has a healthy kid and a healthy baby on the way - I know countless couples wanting just THAT and they'd trade places with her in an instant. Some moms are so selfish!"
Positive thinking might say:
"Yeah - we've all been there. The grass is greener on the other side...there are tradeoffs to every choice in life and the moms who work outside the home usually miss their kids like crazy. The moms who stay home often miss that feeling of outside accomplishment on a job well done - or a pat on the back from her boss. I can empathize with this mom, for sure. We probably all can, if we think about it."
Another blog post I stumbled upon was written by a woman who vented about a comment someone had left on her blog. She was angry about the jugement of the comment and in turn, reacted in anger. She grumbled and complained about how much she hates 'old fashioned' moms and how lame it is that women would be backwards enough to think they need to be married, to cook for their families, to clean a house up, to bake (how 1950's she said), etc. These moms are just man-whipped and can't think for themselves.
Negative thinking might say:
"What a witch. Some moms actually LIKE to cook and clean and it has nothing to do with being man-whipped or brainless. Some moms are GOOD at cooking and baking and you, lady, are just jealous of them. You WISH you could cook, bake and keep your house picked up but you likely spend too much time reading books like 'Ten ways to hate your man' and 'How to feel disgusted by every woman who isn't just like you.' You are unhappy and bitter and want others to be bitter with you. Misery loves company, right?"
Positive thinking might say:
"Wow. Okay - breath! Breath! I really enjoy baking and I find great pleasure in making cupcakes for my kid's class. The faces of those kids light up when they see that someone took the time to do something nice and that makes my heart feel good. I like a tidy house and even though my kids make messes, I do attempt to pick things up each day so it doesn't get out of control. My husband is my best friend and we work together to cook, clean and take care of the kids we co-created. He's my support system - not my owner (nor am I his). I don't hate my life or my kids or my house or my spouse but that doesn't make me brainless or man-whipped. Happy parents usually raise happy kids so I would guess that this person's childhood was not a real happy one. There's some serious underlying bitterness going on and I can empathize with that. I've had to work through some of that myself and it's not easy. Hopefully this person can get to the point of enjoying her life, her home, her kids and her partner. She'd be much happier if she did that and I will send good thoughts her way. Even if she WOULD tell me where to stick it, just for saying that."
Sometimes there are harsh comments left on blog posts, too, in regard to moms who don't vent Online. For instance, mothers on the 'angry sites' (as they could be called) will often leave comments like: "I can't stand reading posts by moms who seem to have it all together. Please. Like, really? They don't have ANY issues or problems at all? Nice try you losers."
Positive thinking might say:
I'm sure every mother has her issues and moments of suckery. Perhaps some of them just choose not to share their personal family issues Online. Maybe out of respect for family or co-workers, they have decided to stick to positive blogging rather than bitter blogging. Maybe they want to portray a positive outlook and a sense of joy and contentment, in hopes of encouraging other moms to embrace the same. I bet if we met for coffee in person, I'd learn more about the tough side of this person's life but Online, they wish to keep private things private. I can respect that."
We all have bad days and moments of meltdown - no one is immune. With the potential of a world wide audience now (via the internet), we have a few choices:
- Air our anger, resentment and dirty laundry for everyone to see, regardless of who gets hurt in the crossfire (including our own reputation)
- Wisely choose our words when posting and attempt to remain professional even on a crappy day
- Vent every so often but in a professional manner, stearing clear of personal attacks on any one person, group or gender
I would assume that most people agree it's not wise (or mature) to use your blog or website as a platform for bitterness - hating all men, or women, or all conservatives or all liberals or all parents who have more than three kids or parents who have just one child or...whatever. Tolerance doesn't mean "agreement." We don't have to agree with the opinions of other mothers but we can still show consideration of the fact that everyone is entitled to an opinion, viewpoint and lifestyle choice. If we all thought and lived the same way, the world would be pretty darn boring.
I'd like to think that each of us can attempt to think positively as we read the posts of others - even the angry others. I'll be honest that I've fallen into negative thinking lately when I see nasty posts, resentful comments and judgmental statements about mothers who actually seem to be happy. I will be making a commitment to attempt positive thinking about those moms and understand where they might be coming from, even if I don't agree with their outlook.
If there are mothers out there who really get your goat, I encourage you to do the same. Try to think positively about them (even if it seems they don't deserve it). When negative thinking gets the better of us, we lose. It affects our own home life, relationships and mothering. We are each responsible for living inside our own homes and walls and for loving the people in our lives in a bitter-free way. If we can't do that, we'll be modeling bitterness for our own kids who will carry that into adulthood.
Let's agree to let go of the negative thinking and focus on the positive thinking. Not just on September 13th but all year long.
I'll leave you with these Positive Thinking quotes:
Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are.
- Author Unknown
Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it.
- Author Unknown
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
- Plato
Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree.
- Marian Wright Edelman
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
- Leo Buscaglia
Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
One man cannot hold another man down in the ditch without remaining down in the ditch with him.
- Booker T. Washington
The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you.
- John E. Southard
Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.
- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one.
- Cavett Robert
Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.
- Francesca Reigler
ABOUT the Author:
Shara Lawrence-Weiss is the owner of Mommy Perks, Personal Child Stories, Early Childhood News and Resources and Kids Perks. She has a background in education, early childhood, nanny work, published freelance, marketing and special needs.
