What defines a P-A-R-E-N-T?
- Details
- Published on Wednesday, 25 August 2010 11:57
The word "Parent" conjures up various feelings, thoughts and emotions for all of us. Some grownups remember their parents as being loving, kind and caring; while others wish their childhood could be forgotten or re-done.
Last week, as I watched my own children play, I thought about what defines a parent. While every mother and father I know is a bit different, and parents their kids in a different way, I'd like to think that the word itself should harbor a few universal concepts.
Here's what I came up with (I've never seen anyone define parent in this way so if it's been done before, unbeknown to me, I do apologize!):
P = Patient
A = Around
R = Real
E = Encouraging
N = Nurturing
T = Time
I've worked with children for over 23 years now and I feel comfortable saying that the above characteristics are wanted not by some kids - but by all of them.
Patient:
Children want parents to be patient and slow to anger. Kids can try our patience, that's for sure, and it's not always easy to take a deep breath, sit back and think, "This too shall pass." If we do that, though, emotional explosions will be kept to a minimum. In turn, parents will model a calmness of character for their kids. A calm, non explosive environment promotes a feeling of safety in children.
And this is a good thing.
Around:
Kids want their parents to be around; not just physically but mentally. If a parent is working (or away for other reasons) most of the day, only to return and then zone out on the TV, computer, phone or Blackberry, no relationship can be built. I've heard children talk about how they view their mother or father as a Ghost of sorts - breezing in and out, always mentally unplugged, only to make a fleeting entrance when they feel like it. Not when they are actually needed by the child for long talks, birthdays, dinner, story time, tucking in, walks, bike rides, puberty, classroom trips or the very first dance. Kids want love and they are ready to give it. All they need is for the parent to be around and mentally tuned in.
And this is a good thing.
Real:
Children want their parents to be real. Kids have an uncanny way of seeing right through us and they can call out a lie, or a fraud, in no time flat. If you smoked as a teen, don't tell your child otherwise. Use your past mistakes or poor choices to demonstrate a learning process. Did you learn from your mistakes? If so, how? This is valuable teaching information for your son/daughter. How can your child learn what not to do if you say, "I never did anything wrong. Be like me." A number of children have told me that they know their parents made mistakes and they just want to have a real conversation about it. They want their parents to be real...and approachable. Parents can be just that; in age appropriate terms, as needed.
And this is a good thing.
Encouraging:
This is a big one. Some of the kids I've worked with have told me that all they want is to hear, "Well done!" or "Good job!" or "You know - you really nailed that. I'm proud of you." There's a big difference between coddling your child and encouraging your child. There's no need to inform your child that she/he can do no wrong and that every other kid on the planet is beneath them. However, there's also no need to play the devil's advocate at every turn, either. A happy medium is great. Point out when something has been done wrong and how to rectify that, if needed, but always be more ready with a word of encouragement. Kids want encouragement and they are just as willing to give it.
And this is a good thing.
Nurturing:
When I think of the word "nurturing" I often think of animals in the wild. I think about how many times animals treat their young better than humans treat theirs. Animals feed, nurse, cuddle, snuggle, bathe, talk to and nurture their babies. It's in-born and no one has told them to do otherwise. No one has come along and said: "You know. You don't have to do these things. You could persue ________ or ________ and feel far more empowered in your own right as a person. Don't let those kids hold you back from being who you really are. Be who YOU want to be, regardless of the little creatures weighing you down. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you have to be some silly domesticated house-thing." No one has convinced the animals that they should be anything other than nurturing. And what do we, as humans, end up doing? We take children to the zoo and point out the monkey kingdom and how wonderfully nurturing those monkeys are to their young. "Look kids! How sweet is that? How loving is that monkey parent to the child?" Yeah - that's because a nurturing parent (or animal) is to be revered. Not belittled.
And this is a good thing.
Time:
Kids want our time. You've likely seen the saying, "Our children want our presence more than our presents." People like to quote that line around the holidays, but it stands - year round. Our children want our presence and our time. Play ball, go for a walk, sit and talk. Ask your child about his/her feelings and don't interrupt until she/he is done. Go swimming or hiking or fishing. Visit a museum or beach or go for a drive. Listen to music in the living room and dance and spin around until everyone falls over, laughing. Eat meals together and help with the homework. Put away all electronics and pull out a board game now and again. Volunteer as a family, helping those in need. The stores aren't going anywhere. There will always be things to buy with the money we make, working. Some day the kids will be gone and you'll have extra funds for wants. Right now, the time desired by your kids is a need. They need your time and you'll both/all be happier and healthier for giving it.
And this is a good thing.
Always remember: We are raising future grown-ups. The children we have now will become husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, employees, friends and more. Parenting isn't the lowest form of human acheivement. Dare we say it's the highest. All future teachers, citizens and leaders are being raised by a parent of some sort and their current childhood will define their future adulthood.
And that matters - beyond what words can define.
ABOUT the Author:
Shara Lawrence-Weiss is the owner of Mommy Perks, Personal Child Stories, Early Childhood News and Resources and Kids Perks. She has a background in education, early childhood, nanny work, published freelance, marketing and special needs.
Comments
Here's our attempt:
Perhaps
All
Reasons
Equal
Next
Time
:)
RSS feed for comments to this post