Do you know what signs to look for, to be sure your kids are developing a healthy understanding of emotional intelligence? It's not as complicated as you might think. However, the benefits are immediate, lasting and critical.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to perceive, control, and evaluate emotions. Some researchers suggest that emotional intelligence can be learned and strengthened, while others claim it is an inborn characteristic.

Whether it is in fact learned, or inborn, one thing is certain: our children benefit greatly if we model emotional intelligence for them. Prison research will tell us that the men and women behind bars all typically lack a healthy level of Emotional Intelligence. Is that because it was not modeled for them? Were they drug or alcohol babies? Were they abused or neglected as children? Were their needs left un-met? No hugging or cuddling? Not enough food or drink when needed?

We could most likely assume 'yes' to many of those questions.

What can we do, as parents, to be sure our kids are developing that healthy understanding of Emotional Intelligence, then?

Simply put: Show them. Teach them. Live an understanding of emotional intelligence in front of them.

Some studies also indicate that deadened parts of a brain can be regrown - if food, shelter, love, nurturing and acceptance are given. It's important for us to not only exhibit emotional intelligence for our children - but for everyone around us. You never know...your behavior might be exactly what someone else needs in order to truly understand Emotional Intelligence for the very first time; regardless of their age!

A few days ago our family went shopping. I grabbed some little toys from the pet isle to put into the Easter basket soon, for our dog. My two youngest children had a meltdown over those toys in the car. "Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!"

When we got home the baby dropped the toys and ran off to play. My daughter picked them up. I didn't think much of this until I turned around a few minutes later. There she was, at the kitchen table, laying out pieces of lettuce for the toys. I laughed and said, "What are you doing?" She replied, in a very grown-up voice, "I'm feeding them, mom. They are hungry and thristy. I am taking care of them."

This may not seem like a major deal to you but it brought tears to my eyes. I told my husband that this was actually a big moment in her growth process. She 'gets it.' She understands that other people and animals have needs; that they need to be cared for and have their needs met. She went to the fridge, all on her own, and pulled the salad bag from the drawer. She opened that up and put out food for the animals. She also gave them her juice cup.

This was not a small moment. When you consider the implications, it was actually a huge moment. It told us this: HER needs are met. SHE feels taken care of and heard. Therefore, she recognizes that other people/animals need love. She was exhibiting emotional intelligence here. As simple as this activity was, it was anything but insignificant.

ABOUT the Author:

Shara Lawrence-Weiss is the owner of Mommy Perks, Kid Perks and Personal Child Stories. She has a background in early childhood, nanny work, published freelance, marketing and special needs.