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Submitted by Michele Borba
Helping Kids Learn to Entertain Themselves and Enjoy Their Own Company!!
So have you checking your calendar lately? If not, here’s an update: summer is almost here (really!) In just a few weeks those school doors will close and the kiddos will be back at the homestead. If you’re hyperventilating, believe me you’re not alone. This is the time of year my email box is flooded with parent queries centering on one issue: “How do I entertain my kid without breaking the bank?” And it’s a legitimate worry.
 There really is a new trend with twenty-first century kids. Perhaps because they’re been programmed and scheduled and micromanaged and adult supervised, many have a tough time enjoying their own company and entertaining themselves. So when it comes to free time, they’re perplexed. Their solution: plugging into their computers, televisions or video games or saying those dreaded words that every parent hates to hear: “I’m bored!” And then they expect us to entertain them. Sound familiar?
Well, here’s a thought: Why not rethink your role this summer and deliberately choose not be a social director and plan your child’s every waking hour? In fact, you’ll actually be doing your kid a favor if you don’t play, “Julie McCoy.” These next weeks can be a huge opportunity to help our kids learn crucial life skills like creative thinking, resourcefulness and problem solving that you can’t learn when everything is so programmed and supervised. (Hopefully that should alleviate a little guilt, heh?)
Why not see these next few weeks as a golden opportunity to teach your munchkin to entertain himself and learn to handle that glorious commodity called “boredom?” After all, your kid is going to be in his own company for the rest of his life – there’s no better time than now to help him learn to enjoy his own company.
Depending on your child’s age and ability, here are tips to get you started: Boredom Busters, Today Show
Boredom Busters: Ways to Help Kids Learn to Entertain Themselves
Learn to Be Alone. A word to the wise: if your kids come back after two minutes of alone time, you may need to first teach your kids how to enjoy their own company. The truth is some of our kids actually need to learn how to play alone. So start by thing of age-appropriate activities that your child could “do alone.” (For a young child: doing a puzzle; for an older kid: learning to play Solitaire). Then teach your child the “solo activity using the baby step model: First show how to do the game together. Next, watch and guide to ensure he knows the rules. Finally, wean him from you being there until voila! – You step back and your child is playing alone.
Build It In. The reality is you still have to be the boss of free play. At first your kids aren’t going to run off like Tom Sawyer. Put up a calendar where you and your kid mark in regularly scheduled summer activities (like days at summer school, camp, sports or swim lessons). Keep some hours open and point out that those are times when your kid is “free” and on his own.
Ideally you want to find the right balance between “free play vs. adult supervised”; “outdoor play vs. indoor play”; “structured activities vs. unstructured.” Only you will know the right balance for your child, but keep an eye on what your child’s current weekend schedule looks like. Only then will you know which direction to alter that balance.
Set Unplugged Rules. Set a specific limit for TV or video game viewing. Keep in mind that the average kid aged 8 to 17 is plugged into some kind of electronic device at least 7 ½ hours a day, so weaning your kid away from those video games. Your first step is to assess just how often your child is “plugged in.” This weekend take a casual assessment (without your kid knowing you’re monitoring). How many minutes is she watching TV or surfing the net or playing video games? Decide a maximum time allotment and then post those rules ASAP so your kid is clear of those expectations. If not, you may end up with coach potato.
Wean Away From You. Of course a toddler can’t occupy his time alone – nor do you want him to. But you will want to gradually start your child weaning away from needing you 24/7 when you see he or she is ready to learn those independent skills. Think “baby steps”: just wean him a little bit at a time by encouraging him to handle life slowly and confidently without you. You gauge your child’s abilities, but remember your parenting goal is to help your child learn to someday live (and play!) without you. Start with “I’ll be back in one minute—I can’t wait to see what you drew when I return. Surprise me!” Then keep your word, and keep increasing alone time. (You can still be in the room for a young child – just not always managing his every move).
Find Activities To Keep Kids Engaged “Solo Style”
Here are a few sold ideas of activities that will keep your kids engaged. The secret is to tailor the ideas to your child’s attention span, abilities and age when you start child-directed free play.
Get a library card. The greatest solo activity for a kid is a good book. So encourage your child to read! Enroll your kid in the summer library program. Get her a magazine subscription. Check out books on tape to listen to in the car or download a classic onto your tween’s ipod. There is a three-month “Summer Slide” when reading scores go down during the summer months. So keep your child reading even if you have to require a certain number of minutes per day when every family member drops everything and reads.
Start a hobby. Summer is a good time to start a child on a hobby. The right match with the right kid often turns into a lifelong love. The trick is to find one that supports your child’s interests and ability—and is one that he can do alone. You may have to teach him how to get started or enroll him with a tutor or class, but so be it! Playing a guitar. Knitting. Drawing. Photography. Cooking. Gardening. Coin or stamp collecting. Hobbies not only nurture a child’s talent, but also become a wonderful relaxer, and can last a lifetime!
Embrace the great outdoors. While that sounds simple enough, sometimes kids need a push to get out the door. Keep a basket filled with fun things that keep kids entertained (bubble blowers, rubber balls, sidewalk chalk, scooters, shovels and pails) or set up a basketball net. Or give your kid a bag and tell him to go collect something (bugs, leaves, flowers, rocks—collections are great). Give her a kite building kit. Hand out plastic cups, spoons and bowls and encourage him to go dig (dirt and water and kids just go together). Or fill a can with water and tell your little kids to paint a fence. (I don’t know why that one works but it kept my three boys busy for hours). The truth is many of our kids are “nature and play deprived” which is a tragedy! Thirty years of research proves that outdoor free play is crucial for our kids social, emotional, cognitive and physical development.
Think boxes…boxes…boxes (did I say boxes?) The Smithsonian voted the cardboard box as the absolute best toy – ever. Stock up on them – and every size from small jewelry boxes to refrigerator crates. They’re not only free but also can provide hours of imaginative play. Give your kids marking pens and masking tape and they can make igloos, forts, villages, castles, garages, storefronts and hotels. Give them flashlights and they can turn them into caves. Put sheets over the top of boxes and chairs and there’s a whole new dimension.
Teach unplugged games. I love Bobbi Conner’s great book, Unplugged Play. It’s a parent and teacher must because it’s chock full of fabulous outdoor ideas. It also has dozens of great childhood games like Mother May I, Duck, Duck, Goose, Round Robin that you can teach your child. Just teach it once and your kid can teach the rest of the neighborhood. And while you’re at it, why not marbles, jacks, and hula hoops? Playground games are great and kids can play them anywhere!
Create “Boredom Boxes.” Start looking around your house for recyclable items and put them into shoeboxes. Save things like tin foil scraps, paper towel tubes, bubble wrap, and popsicle sticks (just keep a bag under your sink). Or clear out your drawers of extra pens, paper clips or scarves. Put a few objects that might go together and the box becomes an instant “mini entertainment centers.” When your child says, “I’m bored, just point to a box. The best thing is it doesn’t cost a dime, takes you five minutes to put the objects together and keeps your kid occupied for hours. I showed two sample Boredom Boxes on Today segment so if you’re looking for visual cue, just view the tape. Here are a few Boredom Boxes (and there are endless possibilities–be creative and get your kids involved!):
- Picasso Box: Glue, empty toilet paper rolls, popsicle sticks, paper clips and sheets of tinfoil. (Great for kids who like to do things with their hands)
- Frank Lloyd Wright Box: Hammer, nails, wood pieces, sandpaper (For your more active little one)
- Van Gogh Box: Paper, crayons, pencils, paint, paintbrush
- Coco Channel Box: Hats, scarves, old shirts, torn sheets, bath towels (for capes) for dress up and pretend.
- Nathan Lane Box: Paper, pencils, or a journal. Draw out your kid’s singing, dancing, writing, or acting talent and suggest they write, direct and perform plays (for the neighborhood, their family, or certainly grandma and grandpa.
- Paul McCartney Box: Make musical instruments out of paper tubes, wax paper and a rubber band or put a kazoo inside. Look around your house for any kinds of objects that make fun sounds.
Now the absolute last thing I’m suggesting you do is all this stuff. But why not just trying one new thing this summer? Just one. Stick to a realistic plan that works for your family. And then if one of your kids just dares to say, “I’m bored!” tell them you have the perfect solution. It’s a list of household chores that you just happen to have posted on the fridge. I bet you anything he’ll find something to do.
There! Isn’t it ironic that we have to teach kids how to play and occupy “alone time”? Beware, childhood is being redefined, and it’s not always positive. I’m a big one for kids and lemonade stands, cloud gazing, daisy chains and ball bouncing. I’m also convinced just a little more time in the dirt and water would reduce a lot of kid stress. Hopefully I’m not the only one!
For more resources on this topic, refer chapters in The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries: Dependence, Separation Anxiety, Fears, Resourceful, Independence, follow me on twitter @micheleborba or join the blog feed of my daily blogs on my website, MicheleBorba.com.
*This article was re-posted with permission.
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